Left of the Dial

Sgt Pepper's Bloody Hearts Club Band

Walking through the living room tonight it struck me just how generic our house is. I mean, everyone's is decorated like this, right? 

when in Rome

Top Management and I step outside the house for our daily walk, or our Daily Staff Meeting, as we refer to it. (And which it kinda is.) It's a lovely day, mid-50s, cloudy, only the tiniest hint of a breeze. 

Suddenly, the clouds disappear and we find ourselves in blazing full-strength sunlight, not a shadow in sight. 

"What the hell's with the sun?" I say, shocked. 

Top Management laughs. "That's the most Portland thing I've ever heard." 

Parchlandia

So yesterday morning I check the air quality index for Portland and I see that it's in the 40s. Lower would be better, but hey, anything under 50 is in the green and considered Good. 

Yesterday evening I check and we're up now in the yellow and up to the 70s, which is considered Moderate. Like 3.6 Roentgen: not great, not terrible. 

This morning I check and it's now in the orange and is up to 130, which is considered Unhealthy. Hm. 

A few hours later I check and it's now in the red and is pegged at 170. Um. 

Well, maybe it'll get better, right? So a few hours later, after I have checked for the third time to see what's burning on the stove (SPOILERS: nothing), I hit refresh on the website and I get:

...so THAT's a thing. A thing I didn't even realize was possible. Or at least didn't realize was possible without, you know, your lungs turning to flame instantly. 

And lest you think Oregon's reputation for being a bit weird is overstated, here's the graphic on an official website on how to be prepared to evacuate:

That's right, they use Bigfoot as a stand-in for your average Oregonian. 

The writers of 2020 still seem to be a bit too on the nose this season. 

***

[UPDATE SEPTEMBER 12, 2020] Turns out, it's possible to be wistful for an AQI of "merely" almost 400:

 

Think of the AQI as a yardstick that runs from 0 to 500. The higher the AQI value, the greater the level of air pollution and the greater the health concern. For example, an AQI value of 50 or below represents good air quality, while an AQI value over 300 represents hazardous air quality.

For each pollutant an AQI value of 100 generally corresponds to an ambient air concentration that equals the level of the short-term national ambient air quality standard for protection of public health. AQI values at or below 100 are generally thought of as satisfactory. When AQI values are above 100, air quality is unhealthy: at first for certain sensitive groups of people, then for everyone as AQI values get higher.

The AQI is divided into six categories. Each category corresponds to a different level of health concern. Each category also has a specific color. The color makes it easy for people to quickly determine whether air quality is reaching unhealthy levels in their communities.

AQI Basics for Ozone and Particle Pollution

Daily AQI Color	Levels of Concern	Values of Index	Description of Air Quality
Green	Good	0 to 50	Air quality is satisfactory, and air pollution poses little or no risk.
Yellow	Moderate	51 to 100	Air quality is acceptable. However, there may be a risk for some people, particularly those who are unusually sensitive to air pollution.
Orange	Unhealthy for Sensitive Groups	101 to 150	Members of sensitive groups may experience health effects. The general public is less likely to be affected.
Red	Unhealthy	151 to 200	Some members of the general public may experience health effects; members of sensitive groups may experience more serious health effects.
Purple	Very Unhealthy	201 to 300	Health alert: The risk of health effects is increased for everyone.
Maroon	Hazardous	301 and higher	Health warning of emergency conditions: everyone is more likely to be affected.

 

 

not still life

As anyone who's glanced at Top Management's Instagram account knows, one of her favorite things to do is to take excellent photos of gorgeous flora. 

One of my favorite things to do is to take terrible photos of gorgeous Top Management...especially when she's taking excellent photos of gorgeous flora.

She continues to tolerate me. 

It's Friday

I'm in love. 

(She'd just been taking a picture of that amazing tree—since she hadn't photographed anything blooming in nearly two and a half minutes—and caught me taking a photo of her taking a photo. You can see how irate she immediately was.) 

(I am the world's worst damn photographer. But when she's the subject, even I can take a good one once in a while. Or a series of good ones.) 

I have no idea why she's still with me. But I'm approaching the point where I also don't care why. I'm just so glad she is. 

a perfect fit

So Top Management and I are driving through downtown Portland, getting acquainted with our new home, when she points at a store sign. "Clogs-N-More," she snorts. "Oh, Portland..." 

Then we get a little closer and she sees the name of the brands they carry. "Ooh! Dansko!" she yells, practically bouncing out of her seat.

My silence is apparently pointed and deafening, because she says, "Okay, shut up. So maybe we're a good match. So what?"