Left of the Dial

for the record, she was eating the chips I'd just bought

ME: Why are you smiling like that? 

THE ROSE: Because you're being mean to me. 

ME: How'm I being mean to you? 

THE ROSE: You just said I was terrible!

ME: That's not being mean. That's just stating a fact. 

to blaeve

To the love of my life who, after nearly 17 years together, is still the best girlfriend. 

the heart of the matter

"Hey," I ask, as I occasionally do about assorted things, "can I buy [this wicked expensive thing I really want but absolutely do not need in the slightest]?" 

"Of course," Top Management replies, as she always does. Perhaps because she knows I virtually never actually do buy the thing in question, no matter what the thing is this time. (Although it's pretty much always musical gear.) 

I shake my head. "You're an enabler." 

She shrugs. "You're more realistic and sensible with money than I am, so I figure, if you think it's a good idea, then it probably is." 

We look at each other for a long moment. 

"Seriously?" 

"Yeah. Why?" 

"Because I thought you were the one who was realistic and sensible with money." 

We stare at each other in mounting horror. 

"Well, the good news is, I think I just figured out where we've been going wrong all these years."