Left of the Dial

Favorite Time of Day

Usually I only get it on Saturday and Sunday, but thanks to the glory of Paternity Leave...

I pick up Senator Smoosh—or, as she demands to be called this day, Ladybug—and we go in search of today's naptime book to read. We choose How Do Dinosaurs Say Goodnight, which The Bean heard maybe 40 times but Her Ladybugness has not yet (oh, how different the life of a fifth child) but is clearly instantly intrigued by and how could she not be? 

We go back to The Boy's room and shut the door. I ask her what we're going to watch today and she says, "Hmmm...Day'd Bow. Ee?" No, I explain, we finished watching the David Bowie DVD yesterday. I spot my birthday present, The Who at Kilburn: 1977 and spend 90 seconds peeling the rassafrassin' safety tape off it, then pop it in the iMac. 

As it's loading, I put her in my lap so she's facing away and we read the book, and although I'm not generally much of a Jane Yolen fan—the brilliant Owl Moon aside—it's mighty good, and goes over like gangbusters. Book finished, I turn my little coccinellid back around, so now she's facing me. She leans forward and puts her head on my chest and we begin watching The Who. 

It's widescreen, so there are black bars at the top and bottom of the screen. I angle the monitor so her eyes are perfectly centered in the black bar at the bottom. I observe as she takes in "Can't Explain" and then starts to blink heavily during "Substitute." She doesn't even make it through the synthesizer intro to "Baba O'Riley" before they're closed for good. I feel her small body get heavier and heavier as it relaxes completely. I kiss the top of her head softly; her tousled hair smells like Baby Magic and toddler sweat, the combination a result of last night's tubby and this morning's hard work in the garden, which mainly consisted of her chasing birds in a heartfelt yet futile attempt to make friends with her fellow wingéd creatures. 

I wait until the song's over, then turn the volume down and pause. I stand up and take one step forward, then lay her down on the bed. I am not as gentle as her Ladybugship demands, or at least deserves. Her eyes flutter then close again as a small smile forms briefly, then evaporates. "Wha we gun wash?" she murmurs before sinking back deeper. 

I wait a half dozen deep breaths, making sure she's not going to rouse, thinking, "What are we going to watch? You, the inside of your eyelids. Me...you." 

In Memoriam

The Defense Department last week identified the following American military personnel killed in Afghanistan and Iraq:

Roberto Andrade Jr., 26, of Chicago; staff sergeant, Army. Andrade was killed Jan. 18 when an improvised explosive device struck his vehicle in Baghdad. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 66th Armor Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division at Ft. Hood, Texas.

Ezra Dawson, 31, of Las Vegas; specialist, Army. Dawson was killed Jan. 17 when his Chinook helicopter made a hard landing under combat conditions in northeastern Afghanistan's Kunar province, on the Pakistani border. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 26th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division at Ft. Hood, Texas.

Omar J. McKnight, 22, of Marrero, La.; senior airman, Air Force. McKnight was killed Jan. 17 in a noncombat-related incident in Balad, Iraq, north of Baghdad. He was assigned to the 6th Security Forces Squadron at MacDill Air Force Base, Fla.

Matthew M. Pollini, 21, of Rockland, Mass.; private first class, Army National Guard. Pollini was killed Thursday when his vehicle overturned at Forward Operating Base Delta, near Kut, in Iraq's Wasit province, southeast of Baghdad. He was assigned to the 772nd Military Police Company in Taunton, Mass.

Carlo M. Robinson, 33, of Lawton, Okla.; staff sergeant, Army. Robinson died Jan. 17 in Bagram, Afghanistan, of injuries suffered when a roadside bomb exploded near his vehicle in Kabul. He was assigned to the 1st Maneuver Enhancement Brigade at Ft. Polk, La.

Joshua R. Townsend, 30, of Solvang, Calif.; staff sergeant, Army. Townsend died Jan. 16 after being found unconscious and without a pulse in his room while serving in Tarin Kowt, Afghanistan, southwest of Kabul. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 7th Special Forces Group (Airborne) at Ft. Bragg , N.C.

Ricky L. Turner, 20, of Athens, Ala.; private first class, Army. Turner was killed Jan. 16 when an improvised explosive device detonated near his unit in Baghdad. He was assigned to the 3rd Brigade Special Troops Battalion, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division at Ft. Bragg, N.C.

Now life is pain for you

I admit it, I loved KISS when I was in grade school. Peter Criss is the reason I took up the drums. I mean, what could possibly be cooler than a grown man wearing high heels and painting his face to look like a cartoon cat? 

Anyhoo...

Despite my fanhood, I somehow missed this one. Which absolutely astounds me. How did I not know this by heart? 

Or perhaps it explains my love for the band. 

"Now life is pain for you!"

"Aah! Wow, oh Bobby!" 

Thanks yet again to Kristen for making my life just a tad better. I think.

How It Began

Well...not quite. But how the end began.

This here post from the great (aka hysterical and offensive) List of the Day is what sent Top Management into labor, she (we) was (were) laughing so hard. Honestly, for a few minutes, I thought I was going into labor as well.

A word of caution, however: it is most definitely Not Safe For Work. In fact, just in general, it's probably Not Safe For Most Of You At All. Click not through if you be faint of heart. 

Yes It Is

In Memoriam

The Defense Department last week identified the following American military personnel killed in Afghanistan and Iraq:

Justin L. Bauer, 24, of Loveland, Colo.; staff sergeant, Army. Bauer was killed Jan. 10 when a roadside bomb exploded near his vehicle in Baghdad. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 505th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division at Ft. Bragg, N.C.

Daniel R. Bennett, 23, of Clifton, Va.; lance corporal, Marine Corps. Bennett died Jan. 11 in a nonhostile incident in Afghanistan's Helmand province, southwest of Kabul. He was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 8th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, 2nd Marine Expeditionary Force at Camp Lejeune, N.C.

Keith E. Essary, 20, of Dyersburg, Tenn.; specialist, Army. Essary was one of two soldiers killed Jan. 8 when an improvised explosive device detonated near them while they were on foot patrol in the Maiwand district of Afghanistan's Kandahar province, southwest of Kabul. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 2nd Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division at Ft. Hood, Texas.

Joseph M. Hernandez, 24, of Hammond, Ind.; specialist, Army. Hernandez was among three soldiers killed Jan. 9 when a roadside bomb exploded near their armored Humvee in the Tarnak va Jaldak district of Afghanistan's Zabol province, south of Kabul. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 4th Infantry Regiment in Hohenfels, Germany.

Sean P. McCune, 20, of Euless, Texas; private, Army. McCune died of noncombat-related injuries Jan. 11 in Samarra, Iraq, north of Baghdad. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 35th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division at Schofield Barracks, Hawaii.

Brian M. Mescall, 33, of Hopkinton, Mass.; major, Army. Mescall was among three soldiers killed Jan. 9 when a roadside bomb exploded near their armored Humvee in the Tarnak va Jaldak district of Afghanistan's Zabol province, south of Kabul. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 4th Infantry Regiment in Hohenfels, Germany.

Jason R. Parsons, 24, of Lenoir, N.C.; corporal, Army. Parsons was among three soldiers killed Jan. 9 when a roadside bomb exploded near their armored Humvee in the Tarnak va Jaldak district of Afghanistan's Zabol province, south of Kabul. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 4th Infantry Regiment in Hohenfels, Germany.

Marquis R. Porter, 28, of Brighton, Mass.; sergeant, Marine Corps. Porter died of noncombat-related injuries Jan. 11 in Iraq's Anbar province, west of Baghdad. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 10th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, 2nd Marine Expeditionary Force at Camp Lejeune, N.C.

Joshua L. Rath, 22, of Decatur, Ala.; sergeant, Army. Rath was one of two soldiers killed Jan. 8 when an improvised explosive device detonated near them while they were on foot patrol in the Maiwand district of Afghanistan's Kandahar province, southwest of Kabul. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 2nd Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division at Ft. Hood, Texas.

Without You

So Top Management and The Baby spent the night in the hoffel last night. Which, given that she'd, you know, pumped out the equivalent of a small bowling ball a few hours before, made sense. I suppose. But did she stop to think of how that'd effect me? Did she? Did she? Did she? 

She did not. No one ever does. Including me. Because I am the damn epitome of selflessness. 

[Full disclosure: she totally thought about how it would effect me. Because she is revoltingly caring. Even after dropping the equivalent of a large Easter ham.]

Which, of course, leads you to wonder just how this DID effect me. Because, really, I am an endlessly fascinating subject. Why, just ask me. [Yes, how astute of you, you're quite right, I am endlessly fascinating.]

'cuz the thing is, after a half-dozen of these puppies, we've got most of it down pretty well. What's that? Water broke? No biggie. Contractions three minutes apart and we need to get to the hospital twenty minutes away in the middle of the night over dark, snowy, curvy, hilly roads? Whatevs. Baby's going to be born in the car? Not a chance—I brought duct tape for just such an eventuality. 

But when it comes time to say goodnight and leave her in the hospital and go home by myself...well, that I'm still not used to, not at all. Watching an enormous alien—Top Management had been calling him this because of the copious number of chins he's sporting, but tonight pointed out that his skull is shaped more like this and yes she's incredibly sentimental and downright dewey-eyed when it comes to her offspring —emerge from my petite good lady wife I have somehow gotten somewhat sorta kinda inured to. Having to leave her for the night...not so much. That's really...well, it's just wrong. 

Words fail me. I think this says it far better than I ever could. 

H/T to ever-considerate Left o' the Dialian Krissy for this here intense Cyrano o' mine.

New Release

So Top Management did one of the things she does best, and done popped out another kid. Because, as her mother always told her, find what you do best and do your best at it. Some take that sort of advice and become Nobel prize laureates for chemistry, others become Oscar-winning directors, or perhaps long-distance truck drivers. Top Management finds her gift and becomes a brilliant writer...and popper-outer of chillens. In ginormous quantities. 

Hence our newest acquisition, cleverly named The Baby. Weighing in at a hefty damn 9 pounds and 12 ounces, we cannot quite figure out how that was physically possible. The nurses were stunned that my petite good lady wife delivered such a chunk of babby au natural: our main nurse, in fact, had never in her five year on the job assisted in a delivery where drugs weren't involved. (As pertains to the mother, that is: I was totally out of my mind on crack. I don't do well in the delivery room.) 

The kid might have been even heavier, but the very first thing he did upon entering this world was to pee. A truly amazing amount. All over the nurse. In fact, he peed so much that it was agreed he might have tipped 10 pounds had he waited a bit to void. I worry about his impulse control, and cannot imagine where he could have gotten that. Then I recall that I now have six children and the fog begins to clear the teeniest bit.

In answer to one of the first questions (answer to the very first: yes, ten fingers and ten toes), no, he is not adorable. Nor is he gorgeous. Nor is he beautiful. He is a newborn. Newborns are ugly. Ugly ugly ugly. It's not their fault. It's just the fact. Caucasian babies, at least, either look like little pink raisins or little pink frogs, or some unholy combination of the two. 

And although Top Management and I produce kids which are, frankly, undeserving of their parents in terms of appearance—as my brother Ler Pete once said, "Hey, man, no offense, but your kids are way, way better looking than either of you guys"—we do not do so well with the newborns. 

So. Although I assume he'll turn out one day to be as fine-lookin' a specimen as his older siblings: 

for now, he looks more like this, only with less hair.

Welcome to the world, kid.

I'm your dad. 

In Memoriam

The Defense Department last week identified the following American military personnel killed in Afghanistan, Kuwait and Iraq:

Jessie A. Cassada, 19, of Hendersonville, N.C.; lance corporal, Marine Corps. Cassada died Tuesday while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 8th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, 2nd Marine Expeditionary Force at Camp Lejeune, N.C.

Anthony D. Davis, 29, of Daytona Beach, Fla.; staff sergeant, Army. Davis died Tuesday in northern Iraq of wounds suffered when he was shot by enemy forces. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment at Hunter Army Airfield, Ga.

Alberto Francesconi, 21, of Bronx, N.Y.; lance corporal, Marine Corps. Francesconi died Jan. 1 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 8th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, 2nd Marine Expeditionary Force at Camp Lejeune, N.C.

Chadwick A. Gilliam, 29, of Mayking, Ky.; lance corporal, Marine Corps. Gilliam died Jan. 3 at a U.S. military base in Kuwait. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 6th Marines, 2nd Marine Division, 2nd Marine Expeditionary Force at Camp Lejeune, N.C.

Christopher W. Lotter, 20, of Chester Heights, Pa.; private first class, Army. Lotter died Dec. 31 in Balad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when he was shot by enemy forces in Tikrit. He was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 7th Field Artillery Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division at Schofield Barracks, Hawaii.

Keep on Loebing You

So the great List o' the Day threw up (as it were) the amazingly, mindbogglingly hideous original version of this song yestermorn. Feel free to click through to read the comments, some of which border on brilliance. (Quote: "This song is like pissing your pants. It feels soft and warm, but you know it's wrong. [This band] is for people that thought Survivor was too hardcore for them...")

But that led me to this, a great cover of a great song by a great artist. 

Okay, it's not a great cover, but I like it. And it's not a great song--in fact, it's pretty horrible. But I like it. And she's not a great artist, and yet my love for her is pure and true. 

And yes, my title for this here post is the worst in the history of the blogosphere. What's your point? 

Dear Senator Feinstein—You Suck

I just sent this to one of my two senators. The title prolly gives the plot away. But what a freakin' baby. I mean, I'd understand if she felt the need to object on principle. But it ain't that. Someone didn't curtsey well enough to suit her ladyship, so she throws a hissy fit. 

The Democratic leadership sucks. Suck suck suckety-sucks. 

Senator Feinstein--

Your behavior towards President-elect Obama over the Leon Panetta nomination has been disgraceful.

In these incredibly serious times, for you to throw a temper tantrum over this minor matter of protocol is embarrassing. For you to do so to a fellow Democrat trying to pull our great nation back from the brink of disaster is unconscionable. How DARE you kneecap a Democrat in this manner, after the way you enabled the Bush administration for eight years?

California expects better. We deserve better.

In the future, we DEMAND better. And if you are running for reelection when your term is up, or considering running for governor as rumored, you would be well-served to keep that mind.

There is a reason Barack Obama’s approval ratings are so much higher than Congress’s, Senator.

We demand better. And we have long memories.

Scott Peterson

Do I think this'll do any good? Nope. But that's not really the point, is it? 

Age Test

LOVE this site. But when it comes to this particular entry, I'm not sure it's really Over or Under 30, as they say. I think I would have said 35. But whatevs. 

So. The question: does this photo cause you physical pain?

In Memoriam

The Defense Department last week identified the following American military personnel killed in Afghanistan, Bahrain and Iraq:

Charles P. Gaffney Jr., 42, of Phoenix; corporal, Army. Gaffney was killed Dec. 24 in a rocket attack on his combat outpost in eastern Afghanistan's Paktika province, southwest of Kabul. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 506th Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault) at Ft. Campbell, Ky.

Tony J. Gonzales, 20, of Newman, Calif.; specialist, Army. Gonzales was killed Dec. 28 when a roadside bomb exploded near his Humvee in northeastern Baghdad's Sadr City neighborhood. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 6th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade, 1st Armored Division in Baumholder, Germany.

Robert L. Johnson, 21, of Central Point, Ore.; lance corporal, Marine Corps. Johnson died Dec. 20 in a nonhostile incident in Iraq's Anbar province, west of Baghdad. He was assigned to the 5th Combat Logistics Battalion, 1st Combat Logistics Regiment, 1st Marine Logistics Group at Camp Pendleton. 

Joshua D. Seitz, 19, of Sinking Spring, Pa.; master-at-arms seaman apprentice, Navy. Seitz was killed Dec. 25 when his military patrol boat struck a barge moored in Manama, Bahrain. As part of Operation Iraqi Freedom, he was assigned to the Naval Security Force, Naval Support Activity in Bahrain.

Benjamin B. Tollefson, 22, of Concord, Calif.; private, Army. Tollefson died Wednesday in Balad, Iraq, of injuries suffered when insurgents attacked his unit with indirect fire -- a military term that usually refers to a mortar or rocket attack -- in northwest Baghdad's Ghazaliya neighborhood. He was assigned to the Special Troops Battalion, 2nd Heavy Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division at Ft. Riley, Kan.