What's the Matter with Kansas?

So the mob has just left scenic Salina, Kansas and are once again headed my way. Apparently they had a fine ol’ time in Salina, hookin’ up with pal Karen who Top Management met through the wondrous tubes which are the internets. Karen and her accessory Tom are another of that thar rare breed known as the pro-life liberal. San Diego’s got one of the best zoos in the whole wide world. I wonder if they got that particular endangered species on display. Possibly too hard to find.

But here’s one of my favorite parts of the trip so far: Top Management got busted by the hotel staff in Salina. Apparently, she and Karen and their bizarrely large group of children were having too much fun. So they were asked to please keep it down.

And there you go. There’s a big difference between where they’ve been and where they’re going right there. See, in Virginia, southern hospitality would have dictated that folks perhaps grumble about it politely and quietly and not say a word. Here in southern California, the staff and other guests would have joined the party. (Until they learned there was no alcohol involved.) In Kansas they just shut ‘em down. Damn. It’s like Footloose come to life! Kevin Bacon, where are you in our time of need?

So. The gang entered Kansas about 26 hours ago and they’ll be leaving it in about another eight. There was a book out a year or two ago called What’s the Matter with Kansas? Excellent book with a persuasive argument.

But I've got the real answer. Is it that their Comfort Inns are too strict? No. Although that’s obviously true.

No, the problem is this: it’s too damn wide. Just. Too. Damn. Wide. If you’re gonna be 973 miles wide, you have to have at least a tiny bit of variation to your topography. And, no, Leavenworth doesn’t count. Much.

Ah, but now Nebraska? Iowa? Now them’s some midwestern states you can sink your teeth into. The glories of our nation, breadbasket to the world, and yet there’s an ebb and flow to the landscape, big sky galore but some gently rolling hills to ‘em. And they don’t take a week and a half to get through.

On the other, Kansas gave us Superman and Dorothy. So there’s that.

Comments

[Tom E.]

On the other, Kansas gave us Superman and Dorothy. So there’s that.

Don't forget Dick and Perry.

[scott]

I wrote: that thar rare breed known as the pro-life liberal. San Diego’s got one of the best zoos in the whole wide world. I wonder if they got that particular endangered species on display. Possibly too hard to find.

I meant to point out that they're deucedly hard to track down, but once you got 'em, they do tend to breed like rabbits.

[shannon]

That's why I refer to Kansas as one of the flat ones in the middle. I figure as long as they think we Californians are weird, we can make fun of their...flatness.

[Karen E.]

"It’s like Footloose come to life! Kevin Bacon, where are you in our time of need?"

He was six degrees removed. No help at all. We were doomed.

[Ed]

Kansas on steroids is Saskatchewan, had the dubious 'pleasure' of driving through it on one of my trips to AK, and swore I would never grip about KS again.
But I still do grip about KS every drive through there. Tell your DW to hang in there, be sure to scan her mirrors frequently to avoid the hypnotic effect of the road ahead. It does end. Eventually.

[Steve the LLamabutcher]

I was wondering what you thought of that book. I used it in Intro American this fall. (together with the South Park Conservatives book)