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Monday, February 06, 2006


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I am pretty sure that the Stones used to not suck. But then their souls died, yet their bodies somehow kept on living, the scourge of the world, right after Michael Jackson.


I am pretty sure that the Stones used to not suck.

You're absolutely right, they did indeed used to not suck. In fact, they completely didn't suck, to the point where, at their best, they were as good (or damn close) as anyone ever. Which is exactly the problem. It's that gigantic leap between their former Greatness and their current Suckness that's so painful. Especially because so much of their current Suckness is so deliberate and self-inflicted.

Well, that's a huge part of the problem. Another is that they suck so prominently. If they were just off in a corner, playing pubs and releasing albums no one cared about, sucking quietly, that'd be one thing. But while they do indeed release albums no one cares about, they also mount massive world tour, underwritten by a felonious mega-corporation (Ameriquest has been sued by attorneys-general in forty-nine--that's right, 49--states for fraudulent lending practices). They're half like Visa: they're everywhere, if not necessarily where you want to be. They suck, but they suck loudly and prominently. And in doing so they make it hard to continue to appreciate their former Greatness.

But then their souls died, yet their bodies somehow kept on living

Ha! Well, that would certainly explain Keef's appearance, now, wouldn't it? Cockroaches and Keef: the only two things guaranteed to survive a nuclear war.

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